Workplace Bullying: Bibliography and Links

From Jim: This is last in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  

I hope this series on workplace bullying has helped you heal and grow.  Below are some links you can explore for more information. Now it’s time for me to close the chapter and move forward.  Shalom and may our healing journeys continue.  

Bullying

Are there differences between male and female bullies?

Bullying at work: An unaddressed problem affecting millions in the American workplace

Bullying News

Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety: Bullying in the Workplace

Canada Takes On Workplace Bullies!

Church Bullying 

Dealing with workplace bullies

Health and Safety Ontario: Workplace Bullying

How to deal with workplace bullying and how to tackle bullying at work

International Association on Workplace Bullying and Harassment

kickbully.com your guide to fighting workplace bullies

No Bully for Me

WBI: The Workplace Bullying Institute 

WikiHow: How to Deal with Workplace Bullying and Harassment

Workplace Bullying, Part 1: Recognition, Catherine Burr Social Science Staff Development

Workplace Bullying, Part 2: Response, Catherine Burr Social Science Staff Development

Mobbing

Heinz Leymann Memorial Website – Leymann is the father of modern research on mobbing.

Mobbing and Psychological Terror at Workplaces, Heinz Leymann, PhD, University of Stockholm, Sweden

The Mobbing Encyclopedia, Heinz Leymann

The Mobbing Portal

Workplace Mobbing In Academe, Kenneth Westhues.  Westhues is a Canadian who has been both a target of and major contributor to study on bullying in academia. 

Studies and a Book 

Chronic Stress Causes Frontostriatal Reorganization and Affects Decision-Making, Science Journal, July 2009

How stress can cause depression – research on the link between workplace stress and depression. 

Negotiating at an Uneven Table, Phyllis Kritek, Jossey-Bass, 2002

The psychology of bullying at work: Explaining the detrimental effects on victims, S. Einarsen,  E.G. Mikkelsen & S.B. Matthiesen, Department of Psychosocial Science, University of Bergen, Norway

Dealing with Bullying: Ten Ways of Being: The Other Five

From Jim: This is sixteenth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  

Phyllis Beck Kritek writes from the perspective of a female nurse in a male doctor’s world.  With these two strikes against her, she knows what it is to negotiate at an uneven table.  I cover her Masks of Manipulation in my two-part Ways People Play Dirty.  What follows is adapted from Kritek’s book, Negotiating at an Uneven Table.  Kritek expands on these more than I can in the space I am using so consider picking up her book. 

Expand and clarify the context

Think outside the box.  Make the box bigger.  Bring things into focus.  This is liberating when you feel broken, trapped into a corner, or at the mercy of authorities who “know what’s best” for you and expect your submission and compliance.  Your only limit is your imagination.  If you are the target of bullying, or merely at an uneven table, the powerbrokers are likely to have blind spots, unspoken assumptions, or are in denial about truths that are essential to the direction of the conversation (and your wellbeing).  This is your chance to add fresh perspective.  You’re at the table too.  As long as you are there, you have a voice. 

When you add perspective and expand the context, it will be threatening to some.  You will meet resistance.  Some may try to silence you.  You may be patronized, or given sympathetic sounding dismissals that lead nowhere.  You will need to be persistent.  You may need to repeat yourself, bringing people back to the larger perspective.  Expanding the context invites more resources and new alternatives among solutions you seek.  On the other hand, resistance may signal that it’s time for you to leave the table (see below). 

Before you do, though, work clearly and graciously to add the perspective that you are sure is relevant.  If and when you are challenged, ask why your suggestion is not relevant.  Kritek maintains you do not need to explain yourself. The burden is on the other to explain why additional perspective is not germane to the conversation. 

Innovate

When I was a seminary student, we would always pray before each final exam.  The teacher called on one young man to pray before the final – a brilliant, straight A student.  He asked God to help us all “have fun” with the final.  We all chuckled.  Easy for him to say.  Kritek, whom I don’t know to have been targeted by bullies (her uneven tables notwithstanding), introduces innovating as fun.  Here’s your chance to have fun: 

• Ask what the ground rules are up front, and if something is missing or unclear, speak up. 
• Suggest that the group find ten or twelve solutions, not just one.  Seriously.  It vastly expands the context (see above). 
• If a patriarch, esteemed power broker or other know-it-all is present, ask him or her if it would be okay if someone else can be in charge of part of the final solution.  These folks often carry more weight than they deserve, and might welcome the shared load.  Do it with humor. 
• Ask good questions. Be curious. Be open.  Show you can learn from anyone.  And do. 

Know what you do and do not know

When one pastor was going through his stuff, his wife and he came back to this continually.  They knew actions, and as rife as the situation was with toxic gossip and backbiting poisonous people, they had their hands full with what they knew, they didn’t have to add speculation to anything.  It’s easy but not helpful to make guesses about people’s motives (to say nothing of coming right out and telling them what their motives are).  Conflict is a process. It’s not a disease to be avoided, or a flame to be snuffed out. It’s inevitable.  It’s an opportunity. Even when people talk down to you or insult you, ride the adrenalin rush and expand the context. 

And know your own illusions.  Know your self-deceptions.  Kritek uses the example of illusions surrounding strong women.  There is an illusion that strong women are necessarily dangerous.  Not necessarily.  There is an illusion that strong women won’t use their strength in dangerous ways.  They may.  The more you are open to learning, the more you shed your self-deceptions, the healthier you will be. 

Stay in the dialogue

As long as you’re at the table, you have a voice.  Walk away and it is silent.  That doesn’t mean you can’t take a break, a time out, or a hiatus.  Everything does not have to be decided right away, and if there is pressure to do so, you aren’t likely to be satisfied with the solution anyway.  If you are damaged, if you need time to heal, have compassion on yourself and take it.  Make it clear that you are not walking away from the table, that you are still part of things; you are committed to the process, but that right now you need a break. 

Make sure it’s your dialogue and not someone else’s though.  One pastor had people come to him with complaints about other leaders or members.  They expected him to be their advocate, their voice, do their dirty work, and take the heat for them.  He was trusting enough to do it.  But when the heat came, no one was there for him.  You might think it’s compassion for the weak.  You might rationalize that Jesus is our advocate so it’s godly to be one too, and do it for them.  But not like this.  It’s more compassionate to help others find their voice and walk with them.  Patronage hands them a fish; empowerment teaches them to fish.    Be wise as serpents. There does come a time, though, to walk away. 

Know when and how to leave the table

Back to the claimers versus creators approach to conflict management (See Part One of the ten ways of being, and “Draw a line in the sand without cruelty,” the fifth way of being).  If someone is a claimer, they are there to get their way as the only correct outcome, there may not be room for you.  You may be wasting your time at that table. 

When should you walk away?  The best way is to work the first nine ways of being and assess the progress.  Red flags:

• If others try to silence you.  Church leaders told a pastor they wanted him to take a month-long leave of absence during which they would control all communication with the congregation.  No deal. 
• If truths central to the conflict are persistently denied or minimized. In one church, the parties were instructed first to “take the log out of their own eye” by confessing to each other their contribution to the conflict.  The pastor did so faithfully.  The elders blame-shifted, denied, and minimized, but were never held accountable to do it right.  The result was unsatisfactory and the conciliation failed. 
• If people invite you to compromise your integrity.  A table that repeatedly suggests you compromise your integrity in the name of realism, pragmatism, etc., for example, is very likely a table you cannot trust the results to. 
• If there’s no room for compassion at the table.  If you are concerned for the well-being of others and the voices at the table dismiss your concern as well-intentioned but misguided, both you and the others may be at risk. 
• If you draw a line in the sand (see Part One) and it is not respected (all the more reason to state your line clearly and early).  If you must keep coming back and defending your line, you are probably engaged in a power struggle, not a negotiation. 
• If your self-worth or reputation is caught up in your being at the table.  Know thyself.  There’s more in you than you think. 

Whether you stay or go, you are 100% responsible for your decision.  Don’t blame someone else.  Don’t stay at a table for the sake of someone else.  So choose your tables wisely.  And when you do leave, do so politely, graciously, and with your head held high. 

Have a story?  Email me. 

Dealing with Bullying: Ten Ways of Being: The First Five

From Jim: This is fifteenth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  


Phyllis Beck Kritek writes from the perspective of a female nurse in a male doctor’s world.  With these two strikes against her, she knows what it is to negotiate at an uneven table.  When I faced my own challenges, her book is about all I had to work with.  I found two sections in particular, Masks of Manipulation and Ways of Being to be especially helpful.  I cover her Masks of Manipulation in my two-part Ways People Play Dirty.  What follows is adapted from Kritek’s book, Negotiating at an Uneven Table. 

Find and inhabit the deepest and surest place that your capabilities permit (informs the other nine)

This first “way of being” is the key to being able to engage the other nine ways of being.  It’s essential.  It involves identifying what makes you worthy at your core: what defines you as valuable, worthy, significant, and vital, and then living out of that knowledge throughout the conflict, afterwards, and into your healing journey.  Kritek writes: 

It is difficult to come to a table where many people define you as inferior, stupid, defective, or powerless and stay courageously grounded in your own sense of authentic worth.  It becomes harder when they bring your vulnerabilities to the table to discredit your efforts.  One of the nice things about being perceived as powerless at an uneven table, however, is that you have so little to lose. 

For the Christian, that deepest surest place is that he or she is a child of God, a son or daughter of God, deeply, deeply loved, whose savior has known betrayal and abuse himself.  Because of faith in Christ, we are adopted as God’s children, and loved as deeply as His only Son. We are forgiven for every wrong we have ever committed through his sinless life, his death on the cross for our sins, and his resurrection from the dead.  We stand before God completely accepted and deeply loved.  If God is for us, who can be against us? 

For the non-Christian who happens to believe in God, that deepest, surest place might be the Imago Dei – the Image of God.  Each of us, regardless of religion or irreligion, is created in the image of God.  We share divine qualities.  We derive from God significance and worth.  We matter because God matters, and he created us.  As we walk into adversity, remembering that we are a unique reflection of almighty God with a role and purpose in life, it can give us a rock by which to steady ourselves, a benchmark from which to regain our bearings, a lens through which to reclaim perspective. 

Whatever your world view, wherever you turn for deepest value and worth, it will be your compass to guide you through the storm.  Make it good. 

Be a truth teller

This goes beyond “telling the truth.”  It includes being open to our self-deceptions.  Kritek: 

If your truth is an obsession, it is not the truth.  If your truth harms or belittles another, it is not truth.  If your truth aims to diminish others, it is not truth.  These are all attacking behaviors posing as the truth.  They are pseudotruths and should not be mistaken for an effort at “truth” telling. 

She continues: 

It has become so commonplace to use truth destructively, even as a way of exercising dominant power, that even if your truth passes all these tests, it may be perceived as an obsession that harms, belittles, and diminishes others.  We have made it acceptable in our culture to use truth to do injury. 

Especially among the righteous. 

The motive of the truth teller is a critical factor.  Being unaware of my motives merely makes me dangerous, not innocent. 

Many negotiating tables are uneven precisely because certain truths are not invited to the table, leading to deliberate blind spots and necessarily unjust resolutions.  They may have to do with gender, race, deeply cherished but extra-biblical traditions (among Christians), but the effect is to exclude information – truth. 

Being a truth teller works two ways, as the next point illustrates. 

Honour your integrity, even at great cost

This not only includes telling the truth even when it hurts you, but that, in turn, is grounded in being true to who you are.  One pastor was honest in the face of withering criticism by his bullies, admitting the truth of their words where appropriate.  The mediators recognized his integrity and saw through his attackers disingenuous duplicity, which ultimately played a role in their being discredited and losing face in the community. 

But Kritek suggests that it weighs most heavily when it comes to trusting others to make our decisions for us.  Phyllis Kritek is a nurse and a woman, and so writes from a context of a male dominated (as if that were not enough) medical setting (do you challenge your doctor/boss often?).  She found that she was expected to concede her freedom of choice and her very will concerning decisions bearing directly on her to other, “superior” minds.  That she should question this on any level often left her more marginalized than ever.  Honouring your integrity may mean questioning authority and paying a price for doing so.  Honouring your integrity demands courage.  Attackers may try to use your weaknesses against you in an effort to silence you.  It may require honesty about your shortcomings while keeping your eye on the bigger issues. 

Find a place for compassion at the table

Most targets of bullying have a balanced sense of conscience and readily pull their punches or look to extend forgiveness at any sign of remorse or regret.  Bullies by definition have lost sight of the consequences of their bullying actions on their target, and will exploit the target’s good graces to their own advantage.  Find a place for compassion anyway. 

To be compassionate and forgive does not alter my commitment to finding a surer and deeper place, or being a truth teller, or honoring my personal integrity, but it takes the edge of harshness out of their manifestation and reminds me that all of us at the table are vulnerable and limited humans. 

Like truth telling, compassion works both ways: extend compassion to yourself too:

If I am harmed, I need to have enough compassion with myself to leave if this is wise, to give myself time to heal, and to stay away from tables that might further harm me until I am healed. 

Kritek continues that if we are unwilling to extend compassion, it is cause for us to look within ourselves, for the problem lies within.  And if we will listen with compassion to others, it will change the way we hear.  “If you come to a negotiation committed to compassion, you actually hear differently.” 

Draw a line in the sand without cruelty

This is where we set boundaries, and know when to walk away. 

1. Identify your line. This will require some reflection on your part, beforehand. 
2. Clearly communicate it, and early. 

Kritek describes people who come to a negotiation in two terms: claimers and creators.  Claimers come into the negotiation to claim what they believe is right for them.  Creators expect to synergize a third alternative.  When two claimers sit across from each other, the results are limited.  When two creators negotiate, the result is usually a wonderful third alternative neither had thought of before.  When a claimer and creator negotiate, the claimer usually “wins,” and the creator usually loses.  Unless the creator draws a line in the sand without cruelty.  They decide ahead of time what their line is, and they communicate it early, and clearly. 

When done right, rather than to be a form of manipulation, it becomes straightforward communication.  When a claimer seems to lay claim on their preconceived outcome, the creator can with integrity challenge him or her back: “I came to this negotiation to create a mutually acceptable resolution to our problem.  I am getting the sense that you are here to lay claim to the outcome you want.  Am I right about that?”  And the communication begins. 

Be aware that some facts may not be welcome at the table, that is, certain assumptions that are unspoken givens that create inequity, as is often the case in denominations that do not ordain women, or that speak of non-hierarchical government but that gives special deference to certain kinds of men (only).  Self-examination is also essential: drawing a line in the sand can be a form of self-righteousness.  It can be done with an edge, to hurt, to indulge in paybacks, in cruelty. 

But when done well, it can provide clarity and direction for truly constructive and empowering solution-building. 

Next time: The Other Five. Have a story?  Email me. 

Dealing with Bullying: Coping Strategies

From Jim: This is fourteenth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.  

A pastor writes: 

I am thinking of leaving my church and leaving the ministry altogether. Even though I am in my early fifties I have only been in paid ministry for a few years. I work two jobs.  I preach on Sunday morning, lead a Sunday evening service, a Bible study Wednesday night & do just about everything else to keep the church going.  Demanding as it is, I don’t mind the long hours, the late nights, or the Saturdays lost to hours of sermon prep.  I love the ministry, mostly.  What is so hard is that I have been part of this church one way or another over 35 years, and the people who I love (and who I thought loved me) are the ones who give me the most trouble. It seems that every decision I make is contested, questioned, and gossiped about. The worst is an elder’s wife, a woman that I have known & loved for years. I am at the point where something has to give.  The vast majority of the people love and support me, but the few who do not are the key stakeholders – the ones who hold the power.  Do I just walk away or do I stand and fight?

The next few posts will include self-help and tactical ideas to help you during and after you have experienced bullying.  Today’s installment is adapted from Catherine Burr, Workplace Bullying, Social Science Staff Development.  

First, we’ll go over in-the-moment coping strategies for when you can't escape or until you do (developed further below):

1.      Reframe the problem: change your mindset:

2.      Look for small wins (to feel more in control, less hopeless and helpless).

3.      Protect yourself (to minimize exposure to nastiness).

Reframing – to reduce the damage to you, to help you become more resilient.

·     You are a "target," you are not a victim.  The word victim carries with it too much powerless baggage.  The language you use is important.  Avoid casting yourself in powerless terms.  Look for ways to speak power and competency back into your life. 

·    Don’t blame yourself.  Review my “Why Me?” Blog post.  Be encouraged.  You would not have been targeted if your competence, integrity, etc., were not a threat to someone.  

·     Remember that it's temporary.  It is now, not the rest of your life.  It is a page or chapter, not the whole story.  You get the last word; not them.  

·      It is specific to the bully(s), not everyone. Even if you are experiencing mobbing, the numbers are limited, and usually low in number however overwhelming it may feel.  

·        Hope for the best, but expect the worst: have low expectations. 

·      Detach emotionally: become indifferent (have no expectations), don’t care, depersonalize the experience, try “detached concern.”

Small wins – to help you feel more in control, less helpless, less hopeless. 

·         Be nice to yourself.  Take up yoga; get massages. These are natural ways to treat depression and  PTSD, they feel good, and are good for you.  Watch comedies that make you laugh out loud.  Avoid over-eating, over-drinking, etc. 

·         Journal.  Write it out. Cultivate your spiritual core, reclaim healthy solitude.  

·         Develop routines; take small actions you can control. Plan each day and work your plan.  Schedule rewards after goals or big events.  

·         Do things that are small and “under the bully’s radar.” 

·         Don’t play their game; be a “class act”, keep your cool, be calm, take the high road.  If you are in the moment and need an immediate break, excuse yourself and go. 

·         Open their eyes: reflect a basic right to dignity and respect; use “gentle re-education”.

·        Fight back: confront, payback/take revenge, sabotage, call their bluff.  Pray imprecatory prayers.  

·         Take a course on assertiveness to give you objective insight into appropriate behavior.  Review my series on assertiveness.  It starts with my Take a Stand blog post in August, 2011, goes through November, picks up again in February, 2012, and includes more than thirty blog posts on assertiveness.  For more in-depth work on assertiveness, try Dr. Randy Paterson’s Assertiveness Workbook, upon which my assertiveness series is based.    

Protect yourself – to minimize your exposure.

·         Limit how much and how often you have contact with the bully.  Don't say yes right away if they want to meet with you.  Tell them you'll get back to them (and do follow up).  

·         Put “buffers” in between you and the bully.  Block them on Facebook.  Have friends run interference for you.  Minimize your contact with him or her. 

·         Find a safe place – in your mind, in physical reality.

·         Escape – get away, even for a morning if that’s all you can do, plan for temporary or permanent relocation. 

Have a story?  Email me. 

The Effects of Bullying (Part 3 of 3)

From Jim: This is thirteenth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.  

A pastor writes:

I'm so exhausted!  Not just mentally, mind you, but physically too.  I’m tired emotionally, spiritually, you name it.  I know that I am in a vulnerable place.  I don’t like where my thoughts are taking me, but I can't seem to do anything about it. I've done all the things that I know to do, but still I find myself down and dejected.

I’ve tried praying.  My words seem to bounce off the walls. 

I have tried reading the Bible. The words seem dead on the page. 

I talked to a friend – he gave me pious platitudes. 

I'm not managing anything well right now, and just when I think things are turning around I get a hateful voicemail from the choir director that is just awful. Another shot below the belt. 

Here is a summary of results from some studies on workplace bullying. What follows is adapted from The Psychology of Bullying at Work: Explaining the Detrimental Effects on Targets, by Einarsen, Mikkelsen & Matthiesen, Department of Psychosocial Science, University of Bergen, Norway.  

Their introduction summarizes the work of previous studies on bullying in the workplace: 

• Effects of workplace bullying include social isolation and maladjustment, psychosomatic illnesses, depressions, compulsions, helplessness, anger, anxiety and despair.
• Acts of aggression and harassment by co-workers are associated with severe health problems in the target when occurring on a regular basis.
• To be the target of intentional and systematic psychological harm by another person, be it real or perceived, produces severe emotional reactions like fear, anxiety, helplessness, depression and shock.

Workplace bullying tends to change employees' perceptions of their work- environment and even life in general from one of safety, security and confidence to one involving threat, danger, insecurity and self-doubt. 

According to a number of studies, this can lead to pervasive emotional, psychosomatic and psychiatric problems in the targets.

Among Norwegian union members, 27% claimed that harassment had influenced negatively the productivity of their organisation. 

Also in their study among union members, significant relationships were found between those who experienced bullying and their experiencing psychological, psychosomatic and musculoskeletal health issues. The strongest relationship was found between bullying and psychological complaints. But targets also experienced musculoskeletal problems from exposure to bullying.

PTSD

Many targets of long term bullying at work may in fact suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.  The diagnosis PTSD refers to a constellation of stress symptoms following a traumatic event, where the trauma is initially relived by returning to persistent, painful memories of the event, recurring nightmares, or by intense psychological discomfort to reminders (triggers).

Second, the patient avoids situations associated with the trauma, which may extend to difficulty remembering what actually occurred.  

Third, the patient may lack the ability to react in an emotionally appropriate way.  For example, they may have reduced interest in activities that used to bring joy, or show a limited general range of emotions, or feel as if he or she has no future.

Patients with PTSD show hypersensitivity, with

• sleeping problems,
• difficulty concentrating,
• by being very tense and irritable and with bursts of fury,
• by having exaggerated reactions to unexpected stimuli or
• By reacting with physical symptoms to reminders of the actual traumatic situations (triggering events, like one of your bullies walks into the room and your stomach ties up in knots). 

Even 5 years after bullying has stopped, as many as 65% of respondents reported symptoms indicating PTSD. A total of 76.5% scored above the base level for psychiatric pathology on the Hopkins Symptoms CheckList as opposed to 21.4% of females and 12.4% of males in a control group.

The extent of post-traumatic symptoms correlated directly with the intensity of the reported aggressive behaviors, and was especially prominent if the aggressive behavior felt degrading to the target.   

Have a story?  Email me.