The Effects of Bullying (Part 2 of 3)

From Jim: This is twelfth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.  

The following is adapted from Heinz Leymann’s, “Mobbing and Psychological Terror at Workplaces.”  Leymann was the pioneer of contemporary understanding about workplace bullying. 

Leif worked in a large factory in Norway. His job as a repairman was to keep the machine park up and running. He was a skilled worker on high wages. He came originally from Denmark, and his workmates often made fun of him since he spoke Norwegian with a Danish accent. This happened so often that his personal relations became seriously disturbed — he became isolated. On one occasion he became so irritated that he thumped the table with his fist and demanded an end to all further jokes about his accent. From that point, things became worse. His workmates intensified and widened the range of their "jokes." One of these was to send him to machines which didn't need repairing. In this way, Leif gradually gained the reputation of being "The Mad Dane." At the beginning, many workers and foremen did not know that his sudden appearances were the results of "jokes." His social network broke down, and more and more workmates joined in the hunt. Wherever he appeared, jokes and taunts flew around. His feeling of aggression grew and this drew the attention of management. They got the impression that it was Leif's fault and that he was a low-performance worker (which he gradually became). He was disciplined. His anxiety increased and he developed psychosomatic problems and was forced to take sick leave. His employers reassigned him to less skilled work without even discussing his problems; this Leif experienced as unjust. He considered himself to be blameless. The situation gradually developed into one of serious psychosomatic disorders and longer periods of sick leave.

Leif could not keep his job, nor could he get another one, as his medical history could be only seen too clearly in his job applications. There was nowhere in society where he could turn for help. He became totally unemployable — an outcast. One of the ironies of this case is that Leif had previously been employed by a number of companies where he had performed well, had been a good workmate and had been given good references by his employers.

Leymann found similar cases in Sweden, Denmark, Western Germany, England, Austria, USA, and Australia.

Leymann identifies several effects of bullying and/or mobbing: 

• Social: Social isolation, stigmatizing, voluntary unemployment (the person quits), social maladjustment.
• Social-psychological: Loss of coping resources; many coping resources are linked to social situations, and as these change in a negative direction, the coping system breaks down.
• Psychological: A feeling of desperation and total helplessness, a feeling of great rage about lack of legal remedies, great anxiety and despair.
• Psychosomatic and psychiatric: Depressions, hyperactivity, compulsion, suicides, psychosomatic illness. There are suspicions that the experiences deriving from this social situation have an effect on the immune system (one company physician observed a couple of "mysterious" cases of cancer).

And he adds: 

• Among the social consequences, we can assume a presumably high termination percentage, many periods of sick leave over the years, discreditable transfers to other work, social isolation, employment without any real work to do, as well as humiliating psychiatric examinations and diagnoses.
• 10% -15% of suicides in Sweden each year have a backstory of bullying or mobbing. 

The Economic Consequences for the Organization and for Society

The economic consequences—like the psychosocial—are considerable.  A person can be paid without having any real work to do (or none at all), and this can go on for years. Long periods of sick leave; a catastrophic drop in production by the whole group; the necessity for frequent intervention by personnel officers, personnel consultants, managers of various grades, occupational health staff, external consultants, the company's health care centers and so on.

All this extra effort, combined with loss of productive work, can be estimated to amount to between $30,000 and $100,000 US per year per employee for those exposed to such mobbing.  Leymann records cases in the USA, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, West Germany, and Scandinavia where these situations have lasted for ten years or more.

Have a story to tell?  Email me.  I won't use it unless you say it's okay.  

Effects of Bullying (Part 1 of 3)

From Jim: This is eleventh in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.  

A pastor is mobbed by the leadership in his congregation.  They couldn’t just ask for his resignation, they thought they could play dirty and get away with it.  And they did.  Over a period of weeks, months, and years, in incremental increases leading to openly destructive actions, their statements and behavior take a toll.  The pastor becomes a shadow of himself.  He can barely function.  He’s lost his ability to interact creatively with the scriptures and so preaches re-tread sermons hoping no one will notice.  He has trouble making decisions.  He sits at his desk and does the same things over and over again.  He is stuck in a rut and he doesn’t know why.  He’s got to move forward but he can’t see a way. 

The storm with the deacons has come to a head and the worst is over.  But the damage lingers on, and he knows he needs a change.  He’s got to snap out of it.  Move forward.  He needs to jump-start his life.  What can he do?  He asks people he trusts and learns of a well-regarded eco-tourism company offering a range of adventure packages.  He’s always wanted to try rock climbing and so he picks a course and signs up.  Maybe that will break the cycle of sadness and he can begin to move forward. 

The course begins and he comes prepared.  The five-day course follows a progression and for the first couple of days he is okay.  But then comes rappelling and something isn’t right.  He’s terrified, actually.  Irrationally so.  He isn’t even afraid of heights and yet he is paralyzed by fear at the moment of decision.  He can’t do it.  He withdraws from the course.  He goes home, blaming it on the instructor, his equipment.  Some weeks later, he reads about the following study. 

In 2009, the journal Science published a study demonstrating the effects of chronic stress that impact decision making ability and the very structure of the brain.  Lab rats were exposed to a well-established stress paradigm that combines different stressors in an unpredictable manner to prevent them from recovering. Twenty-one days of stress exposure impacted rats physically and mentally. 

Rats were trained to press a lever for either pellets or sucrose.  Two groups of rats, the stress group and the control group, were measured for their ability to learn behaviors that led to a reward.  At first, both groups of rats had similar settings and learned to press the lever for a reward at similar rates.  The control group rats (the ones that were not subjected to stress), learned quickly to stop pressing once the action stopped being rewarded.  But the stressed rats kept pressing the lever long after the reward was taken away. 

Stressed rats failed to choose the action that was necessary to obtain the outcome.  Instead, their behavior was simply out of habit.  Scientists demonstrated that previous exposure to chronic stress biases decision-making.  They investigated the effects of chronic stress on the structure of the brain, specifically, cortical and striatal circuits known to be required for goal-directed actions and habits.  The effects of chronic stress suggest a loss of neuronal connectivity and atrophy in the part of the frontal cortex (brain) that affects decision-making. 

For the pastor, a light comes on.  Now, it is apparent that the deacon couples not only damaged him professionally, socially, and emotionally, but their cumulative actions were nothing less than a physical assault, and on his brain, no less.  Now he is mad.  Dammit, they’re not going to get away with this.  He is determined to recover. 

Have a story to tell?  Email me. 

Note: You can read the full study, Chronic Stress Causes Frontostriatal Reorganization and Affects Decision-Making online. 

How to Recognize Bullying, Part 3: Mobbing

From Jim: This is tenth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  

One pastor writes:

“Mobbing” fits to a T what happened to me in the last church I served. I still need to come to terms with what happened because I couldn’t imagine it even existing, let alone happening to me.  All I knew is that it was abusive and it didn't make any sense. It started small, then spread. I resigned feeling like a complete failure. Ultimately, I just wanted out.  It's been six months, and I still struggle with the sense of failure and the dejection that goes along with it.

Heinz Leymann, the Swedish psychologist whose pioneering research laid the foundation for current thinking on bullying, defines mobbing as "hostile and unethical communication which is directed in a systematic way by one or a number of persons mainly toward one individual… These actions take place often (almost every day) and over a long period (at least for six months) and, because of this frequency and duration, result in considerable psychic, psychosomatic and social misery. "

Kenneth Westhues: “[associates] in a given [organization] identify in their midst a fundamentally flawed character, an intolerable workmate whom they appropriately marginalize, punish, and seek to eliminate.”  

MOBBING IS...

• Emotional abuse in the workplace.
• "Ganging up" by co-workers, subordinates or superiors, to force someone out of the workplace through rumor, innuendo, intimidation, humiliation, discrediting, and isolation.
• Malicious, nonsexual, non-racial, general harassment.
• Mobbing is also a wolfpack mentality

All the observed actions have the common denominator of being based on the desire to "get at a person" or punish him/her, and so include:

1. The victim's reputation (rumor mongering, slandering, holding up to ridicule).
2. Communication toward the victim (the victim is not allowed to express him/herself, no one is speaking to him or her, continual loud-voiced criticism and meaningful glances).
3. The social circumstances (the victim is isolated).
4. The nature of or the possibility of performing in his/her work (no work given, humiliating or meaningless work tasks).
5. Violence and threats of violence.

Here is Kenneth Westhues’ Checklist of Mobbing Indicators, from Workplace Mobbing in Academe:

• By standard criteria of job performance, the target is at least average, probably above average.
• Rumours and gossip circulate about the target’s supposed misdeeds: “Did you hear what she did last week?”
• The target is not invited to meetings or voted onto committees, is excluded or excludes self.
• Collective focus on a critical, "defining" incident that “shows what kind of man he really is.”
• Shared conviction that the target needs some kind of formal punishment, “to be taught a lesson.”
• Unusual timing of the decision to punish, e. g., apart from the annual performance review.
• Emotion-laden, defamatory rhetoric about the target in oral and written communications.
• Formal expressions of collective negative sentiment toward the target, e. g. a vote of censure, signatures on a petition, meeting to discuss what to do about the target.
• High value on secrecy, confidentiality, and collegial solidarity among the mobbers.
• Loss of diversity of argument, so that it becomes dangerous to “speak up for” or defend the target.
• The adding up of the target’s real or imagined venial sins to make a mortal sin that cries for action.
• The target is seen as personally abhorrent, with no redeeming qualities; stigmatizing, exclusionary labels are applied.
• Disregard of established procedures, as mobbers take matters into their own hands.
• Resistance to independent, outside review of sanctions imposed on the target.
• Outraged response to any appeals for outside help the target may make.
• Mobbers’ fear of violence from target, target’s fear of violence from mobbers, or both.

Links:

Where it all began: Heinz Leymann’s Mobbing Encyclopedia.  Leymann’s pioneering research has laid the foundation for the understanding of bullying and mobbing today.    

The Mobbing Portal

Have a story to tell?  Email me.  

How to Recognize Bullying: Ways People Play Dirty (2b)

From Jim: This is ninth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.

A man has been trying to get rid of his pastor for fifteen years. He tells lies about the pastor and calls up the Bible college with a list of complaints about his son.  He singlehandedly prevents the pastor's son from doing a college internship at the church. 

·         Obeisance

Obeisance is deferential respect, it is submission, compliance, obedience, but here, it is done for inside control.  The obeisant manipulator pretends to be supportive, but does so to get something out of the deal, or to influence the leader.  Obeisance engages the leader over time, gets his or her ear continually, and has his or her ear as well.  It pretends support but uses the leader to gain its own influence.  In Lord of the Rings, Grima Wormtongue embodies the demonic influence of an obeisant servant to Théoden. 

·         Deliberate Stupidity

When all else fails, you can simply not get it.  When I was being trained in evangelism in the 1980s, after reviewing the basic gospel presentation with a recent church visitor, I asked, as trained, “Does this make sense to you?” The person said that no, it did not.  Then I committed a fatal Evangelism Explosion error.  Instead of reviewing step by step the gospel, I asked, “What doesn’t make sense?”  His answer?  “Nothing!”  Fortunately we were able to salvage the conversation (if not redeem the soul).  If you don’t get it, you don’t have to take responsibility for it. 

·         Cuteness and Flirtatiousness

You can get more with honey than with vinegar, and it knows no gender.  If you can’t get Samson by his great strength, maybe you can get him through his weakness for women.  It can include humour, cleverness, wittiness, flattery, flirtation and seduction.  Subtly delivered, it can be a form of manipulation that touches deeply at a person’s vulnerability.  Rather than to focus on the issues, cuteness and flirtation attempt to distract and disarm, by accessing our need for intimacy.  In someone already targeted by bullies, they can be especially vulnerable. 

·         Perseverating

If a bank teller, store clerk, or customer service representative is resisting your wishes, speak slowly, and go into a lot of detail.  Soon they will want to get rid of you enough that you will have worn them out.  That’s perseverating.  Church governmental structures that are framed by Robert’s Rules of Order invite perseveration. 

I once witnessed a discussion on the floor of presbytery over whether to allow a candidate an exception to the recreational clause in the Westminster Standards. For you non-Presbyterian types unfamiliar with the jargon, it basically boils down to whether the Sabbath day, which is to be spend in “holy resting” all day has room for a bike ride with the kids or watching a football game.  
If a candidate for the ministry takes exception, and believes the Bible doesn’t forbid a little recreation on the Sabbath he must declare it up front, and his presbytery decides whether to allow the exception.  Nit picky to you?  Not to some Presbyterians.  Anyway, debate continued ad nauseum over this issue, and the examination of this candidate turned into a soapbox for those holding a stricter view of the Sabbath to perseverate.  Finally, a good-sense brother called for a vote.  The final vote?  50-2, in favour of allowing the man to claim that exception, allowing a little fun on Sunday. 

Someone who is perseverating doggedly persists in voicing his or her position, as a tactic, to wear out the opposition. You just continue to bring up the issue to wear out the competition.  There’s nothing godly about it. 

·         Withholding

Withholding denies the target the resources necessary to do their job.  It may simply involve withholding one’s participation in organizational activities.  A church counsel decides to get rid of their pastor so they refuse to meet.  When a pastor acts as whistleblower to immorality in a church leader, the influential family boycotts the church and through secret deals campaigns for his ouster till he is forced to resign. It may include passivity, non-involvement, absence, and refusal to participate.  It may involve changing the locks on the doors, withholding pay.  Because it is passive in its aggressiveness, the person(s) doing it can claim innocence.  It is anything but innocent. 

But spells can be broken: 

Have a story?  Email me. 

Adapted from Negotiating at an Uneven Table, Phyllis Beck Kritek, Jossey-Bass, 1994)

How to Recognize Bullying: Ways People Play Dirty (2a)

From Jim: This is eighth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.

A pastor comes to a church as an interim.  It is a small, suburban church in Chicago, and people communicate by talking about each other instead of to each other, and through sarcasm. They say they're joking, but in fact they are taking potshots that hurt (in classic passive aggressive style). The leaders don’t trust each other, and the backbiting and cheap shots have found the pastor.  The pastor is so confused he doesn't know whether he’s coming or going, whether to stay or to leave.  The classis gets involved, and – big surprise – their solution is to remove the pastor.  The pastor feels like he is being nipped to death by ducks, little by little, and bit by bit.  There is never one big, deadly bite... just pick-pick-pick.  He's mad at his leaders; he’s mad at the church, he’s mad at classis leaders; he hates to admit it but he’s mad at God, too.  He doesn't know if he wants to be a pastor any more, but he doesn't know what else he'd do.

Ways People Play Dirty (from Negotiating at an Uneven Table, Phyllis Beck Kritek, Jossey-Bass, 1994):

·         Praise and Flattery

People in a position of power are seen as having expertise in their field.  Subordinates may seek to level the playing field by feeding the leader’s ego/need for approval.  By flattering them, others seek to gain influence and control.  Praise and flattery can look like legitimate affirmation, leaving the flatterer appearing to be virtuous and kind when in fact they are trying to control. 

·         Lying and Deception

We usually think of lying and deception as the active distortion of truth. It can also be just as deceptive to withhold needed information or to frame information in such a way as to achieve a desired outcome.  I once worked with a woman who would quote others using the words they had used but so flagrantly changing the tone of the words that she completely misrepresented what had been said. 

If a person in authority reveals a weakness or vulnerability, the bully might attack that weakness in an attempt to further destabilize the authority figure.  They might agree with them to their face, and then disagree behind their back as soon as they are gone.  They might exaggerate, be catastrophic in their thinking, or use hyperbole. 

·         Helpfulness and Generosity

Helpfulness and generosity look virtuous, but if the motive is to manipulate someone, it is a form of deception.  It becomes transactional.  There are strings attached: an IOU.  It’s all in the motive.  Acts of kindness are not random at all; they are calculated actions designed to evoke a return, to get others to “owe you.”  Kritek goes so far as to say, “Many religious systems support this artifice, while failing to explore the deceit implicit in the process.  We have been bargaining with one or another god for many centuries… The artifice of the manipulator becomes the currency of the exchange.” 

·         Trickery and Secret Deals

These are back door agreements that are intended to influence the outcome.  For example, church leaders hold secret meetings behind the pastor’s back in order to determine a course of action that bears directly on him or her.  These are often excused as necessary.  A Baptist pastor challenged an ostensibly neutral deacon on this once, and his reply was, “Well you have to talk.”  When treachery and secret deals become the norm, the culture of the workplace has shifted toxic.  If integrity and open communication are not protected and fostered at every level, where does it stop? 

·         Attacking and Threatening

This form of manipulation is instantly recognizable, and in that sense is, at least, honest.  It confronts the dominant power by direct assault.  It also increases the conflict, the damage, the potential for damage, and the unpredictability of the outcome.  One mutiny among church leadership was so flagrant that it backfired.  The mutineers lost face, lost their battle, and resigned, ashamed and embarrassed. 

Attacking can be more subtle too, often by women, and especially when it is used to attack the character or personality of the leader in order to undermine his/her credibility and standing.  When sustained over time, it erodes the target's self-confidence.  When they begin to doubt themselves the battle is half won.  Add the weapons of fear, guilt, slander, defamation, rumour, innuendo and lies and the damage can be quite real. 

Next time: Ways People Dirty (2b)

Have a story to tell?  Email me. 

How to Recognize Bullying (Part 1 of 3)

From Jim: This is seventh in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.

A pastor is ready to quit. He’s despondent, except when he’s fuming, embittered, wounded, or exhausted. He doesn't have another call or job yet, but he lies awake at night tossing and turning, and resigning seems better than a heart attack.  He has some good people but they can also act like they are six.

One of them unleashes a rant on his wife over small groups. They are a church of less than a hundred and this person expects them to do things a large church with lots of staff and resources can do. If tomorrow they decided to have fifty small groups, this person would want to know why we are so opposed to having sixty. It drives him crazy. His wife is a homeschooling mom and has never been elected small group director.  But that is not even the issue.

He has been there for fifteen years and he knows it's time to move on. The church and he have grown in spiritually different directions, and he’s lost his ability to inspire change in people toward Kingdom living. They won't have any trouble finding another pastor, but where he goes next is not as simple. After more than a decade in a small church, being support staff for a while.  He finds himself second guessing his decision to go into paid ministry. He asks for prayer. 

EXAMPLES AND SIGNS OF BULLYING (adapted from Catherine Burr, Faculty of Social Science, Social Science Centre, London, Ontario, Canada, N6A 5C2)

·         Remarks: sexist jokes, crude comments, intrusive compliments, etc.

·         Gestures

·         Reprisals

·         Discrediting

·         Belittling

·         Restricting

·         Isolating

·         Destabilizing

BY WHOM?  It can include:

·         Bosses

·         Peers, co-workers

·         Public

·         Customers, clients

·         Students, parents of students

·         Staff members

·         Faculty members

·         Contractors, suppliers

EASY ONES TO RECOGNIZE

·         Severe behaviours

·         Severe effects

·         Long-term

·         Many targets/victims

·         Blatant behavior and words

·         A simple work environment

·         An obviously “nasty/evil” person                              

DIFFICULT TO RECOGNIZE

·         A “ton of feathers” – a large number of little things, the “straw that breaks the camel's back” 

·         “boil the frog”

·         “Nipped to death by ducks” 

·         Early stages, early diagnosis

·         Few targets – like, just you

·         Invisible, subtle

·         Complex environment

·         A “Nice/likeable” person – passive aggressive people

ASK YOURSELF ABOUT: 

·         Severity – of others’ behaviours

·         Severity – of the effects and impact of their actions

·         When did you first notice something was not right? 

·         How long has it been going on? 

·         How widespread within (or outside of) the organization is it?

·         Safety/security issues – physical and emotional safety

·         Preferred options of the individual: what would you like to see happen? 

 Have a story to tell?  Email me.  

Why Me?

From Jim: This is sixth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  

A priest resigns from a church because the vestry is eager believe the worst about any gossip or slander that is spoken about him or his wife. They hold meetings and interrogate the couple in order “to get at the truth" about the lies being told. Some of the leaders are starting the very rumours they are interrogating him over. He leaves. He doesn't pastor full-time again for two years.

Almost immediately after he starts at the new church, in a town more than a hundred miles away, in different part of the country, someone from the old church starts posting malicious comments about him on an online gossip website. They defame him (even stealing his identity and posting under his name). They say he has a drinking problem, that he has been arrested for domestic assault, and more.

Pastor contacts the bishop in his diocese as well as the one he left. Bishop contacts the people's warden in the old church, and the problem stops, briefly. Then it starts up again, but the pastor suffers a nervous breakdown, and can't deal with this any more. He is thankful to be recovering, but he doesn’t want to add any more stress to his or his wife's lives.

How do bullies select their targets?

·    bullies are predatory and opportunistic - you just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; this is always the main reason - investigation will reveal a string of predecessors, and you will have a string of successors

·    being good at your job, often excelling

·    being popular with people (colleagues, customers, clients, pupils, parents, patients, etc.)

·    more than anything else, the bully fears exposure of his/her inadequacy and incompetence; your presence, popularity and competence unknowingly and unwittingly fuel that fear

·    being the expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional (i.e. you get more attention than the bully)

·    having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise

·    having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)

·    showing independence of thought or deed

·    Jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or possessions) are strong motivators of bullying.

When can Bullying start?

·    the previous target leaves (when the bullies remain)

·    there's a reorganization

·    a new leader is appointed

·    your performance unwittingly highlights, draws attention to, exposes or otherwise invites unfavourable comparison with the bully's lack of performance (the harder you work to address the bully's claims of under-performance, the more insecure and unstable the bully becomes)

·    you may have unwittingly become the focus of attention whereas before, the bully was the centre of attention (this often occurs with female bullies) - most bullies are emotionally immature and thus crave attention

·    obvious displays of affection, respect or trust from co-workers

·    refusing to obey an order which violates rules, regulations, procedures, or is illegal

·    blowing the whistle on incompetence, immorality, malpractice, fraud, illegality, breaches of procedure, breaches of health & safety regulations, etc.

·    suffering illness or injury, whether work related or not

·    challenging the status quo, especially unwittingly

·    gaining recognition for your achievements, e.g. winning an award or being publicly recognised

·    gaining a promotion

What personality traits push bullies' buttons (as opposed to pushing belly buttons)?

·    popularity (this stimulates jealousy in the less-than-popular bully)

·    competence (this stimulates envy in the less-than-competent bully)

·    intelligence and intellect

·    honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)

·    you're trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable

·    a well-developed integrity which you're unwilling to compromise

·    you're always willing to go that extra mile and expect others to do the same

·    successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude

·    a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness

·    imaginative, creative, innovative

·    idealistic, optimistic, always working for improvement and betterment of self, family, the employer, and the world

·    ability to master new skills

·    ability to think long term and to see the bigger picture

·    sensitivity (this is a constellation of values to be cherished including empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance etc.)

·    slow to anger

·    helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience

·    giving and selfless

·    diligent, industrious

·    one or more vulnerabilities

·    tolerant

·    strong sense of honour

·    irrepressible, wanting to tackle and correct injustice wherever you see it

·    attributing importance and validity to other people's opinions of oneself (e.g. through tests, exams, appraisals, manager's feedback, etc.)

·    low propensity to violence (i.e. you prefer to resolve conflict through dialogue rather than through violence or legal action)

·    a strong forgiving streak (which the bully exploits and manipulates to dissuade you from taking grievance and legal action)

·    a desire to always think well of others

·    being incorruptible, having high moral standards which you are unwilling to compromise

·    being unwilling to lower standards

·    a strong well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise or abandon

·    high expectations of those in authority and a dislike of incompetent people in positions of power who abuse power

·    a strong sense of fair play and a desire to always be reasonable

·    high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent

·    a tendency to internalise anger rather than express it

Have a story to tell? Email me.

Psychological Abuse: A Letter from a Friend

From Jim: This is fifth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Folllowing is an email sent to someone who was targeted in a workplace bullying situation, by someone who understands it.  Reprinted with permission.  

Hi,

You may already know all this but I've sent it in any case.  You are experiencing psychological bullying.  Bullies feel completely justified in their bullying and escalate when confronted with it.  Their need to feel powerful and right clouds their ability to have empathy or understand the impact of their destructive behaviour.  They are deceived; they don’t get it, and feel discounted and wounded, if not enraged when their dysfunctional agenda is not taken seriously. 

Bullies can be even more powerful when targeting and/or supported by an extremely ethical Christian.  We are devastated to even acknowledge that someone we love, one of our brethren, is a bully.  We just don’t want it to be true.  We want to be in right relationship.  Our grief includes grief for the bully.  He is a child of God who lacks insight and we want to frame it any other way than bullying.  I know how much you want to salvage the relationship despite what is happening.  I'm praying for that too but mostly for your protection.

Psychological abuse is a pattern of negative behaviour performed by a person who is in a position of power (or believes he is in a position of power, has the need to demonstrate his sense of authority or need for power, or is jealous of a sense that someone is more powerful than themselves).  These negative actions include numerous components of psychological verbal and significant non-verbal communications.  The actions become tailored to cause the most damage to the target.  If each action is taken separately and out of context, it can probably be justified as legitimate workplace actions, minor, or simply non-consequential so the impact on the target seems confusing or unwarranted while each negative action targeted at the individual contributes to a meaningful assault.  When actions are targeted at an individual continually, the effect can be overwhelming as there is no time between bouts to recover and rationalize the behaviour.

The person chosen for psychological bullying is chosen for a reason.  Reasons may include having higher qualifications than the rest of the group, or having innovative ideas (which I trust in your case are for the most part Holy Spirit inspired ideas or plain old godly intelligence and wisdom over practical matters).  The individual is targeted for special treatment such as scrutiny (held to an impossibly high standard), exclusion (while the bully manipulates others into triangling against the target) and debasement (criticism, gossip).  When the target is isolated from co-workers, it leaves the individual vulnerable to further negative actions.

The negative impact on the individual is not easy to describe.  Before a meaningful pattern emerges, both for the target, and the onlookers, even the investigators, the actions can appear legitimate.  An outsider may not even detect the actions as negative, because the actions are often so subtle or deceptive in intention that they escape recognition.  The actions can be framed as even attempting to act in the best interest of the target.  The individual may even take a while to recognize the pattern of negative actions.

The actions have a purpose and a target.  They are directed at an individual with the intention of putting doubt into the individual's mind about the validity and value of their attitudes and potential and worth in the future of the organization (strength as a leader).  Frequently the target relies on the perpetrator for some reason such as access to necessary information or control of their work [or their job]. Their power may come from their control of some aspect of the work environment.  The perpetrator's position of power can attract supporters. 

Give your minds breaks in this crisis.  It is crazy making behaviour and can consume you.  Distract yourselves so you are not ruminating.



Have a story to tell?  Email me.  

The Trajectory of Bullying (Part 2 of 2)

Images courtesy of www.nobullyforme.org

From Jim: This is the fourth in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  

The players expand to include the regional association of ministers and lay leaders: the synod.  Pastor wants to trust the system.  He wants to trust God.  He is part of a denomination precisely because he believes in accountability, and he believes God works through his people.

Pastor sees his doctor, who diagnoses him as depressed.    He puts him on anti-depressants and refers him to a psychiatrist and a counselor.  Turns out he has PTSD too.  Let the treatment begin.

But bullying isn't even on the radar screen of his synod leaders.  Every one is busy with their own churches, and as well intentioned as they are (and they are well intentioned), no one has any real expertise.  They want to be fair, but  to them fairness means slap all wrists equally.  Blame the target as much as the bullies.  Make sure there's enough responsibility to go around.  To suggest someone is a bully would be to impugn their character.  They just don't get it.

But he's trusting in God so he submits to the process.  At the end of the day denominational leaders relieve the pastor of his charge.  He loses his job.  He's too damaged to pastor, and five years into ministry, with a young family to support, he hits the bullseye of the statistical average for ministry.   The majority of pastors leave the ministry for good after just five years.  Now he needs a job, but what he really needs is to heal.

This is when the lab rat behaviour peaks.  He rarely leaves the house.  He cleans and does laundry, day after day.  He wonders if maybe he needs a complete change of scenery, but when he travels, he's overwhelmed with anxiety and just wants to return home.  His shrink says give it time.

But he needs a job.  The mere thought of a job interview fills him with anxiety.  "How do I even look for a job?" he asks.  He tries to tell his story to a prospective employer but breaks down in tears in the middle of the interview.  He needs to heal.

He sees an elder's wife at the store and his stomach wrenches into knots.  He ducks down an aisle hoping she doesn't see him.  He prays that God will to do to them what they did to him.  Forgiving them is not even a thought.

He lands a job in the warehouse of a courier company, loading trucks at four in the morning.  He feels surrounded by strong personalities and he stutters when he tries to join in the conversation.  He feels like he has a target on his back.  His wife is tired of encouraging him.  She has problems of her own with small mouths to feed and little money to do it.  She wants to go home to her family.

He learns a co-worker applied for the same job he got.  He wonders aloud to his boss, will he try to sabotage me?  The boss hesitates.  It isn't long before the co-worker tries to make him the fall guy for some petty infraction.

That experience alone brings back a flood of emotions out of proportion to the issue.  He has found another bully -- or at least an aggressive personality -- and it's bringing everything back all over again.  He retreats to his car till he regains composure.

At least by now he has some tools to stand up for himself.  He will face the bear, because after all, you don't run away from a bear.  You talk to it like it's your grandma.

Months go by before he begins to feel anything like his former self.  Slowly, the fog seems to lift.  He notices a sunny day.  He's finding his backbone again.  He can sleep at night.

Now and then he wonders about lost years and missed opportunities.  He shakes his head when he thinks of the church that might have been.  People say they want God but what they really want is to feel good about themselves.

But that's in God's hands now.  And so is he.  "Hey God, I gave you my life fifteen years ago when I was a teenager.  If this is what you want to do with it, I think you're crazy, but that's not my problem."

He's stronger now.  He knows first hand:
...that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 

He doesn't know what form ministry will take for him, but nothing has changed.  He knows why he's here.  They can't take that from him.

Every now and then he feels a shooting pain in his heart, like an old injury on a damp day.  But he's at peace in a way he's never been, more centred.  He's a better man now, and he wouldn't trade that for anything.