The Trajectory of Bullying (Part 1 of 2)

Captions courtesy of www.nobullyforme.org. 

From Jim: This is third in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.

A young pastor moves with his wife and two small children to a college town to replace a long-term, well loved pastor who is retiring after 20 years.  Things seem manageable at first.  There are a few bumps in the road, but nothing too alarming in this little church with big dreams.  The children's ministry leader refuses to step down as she had promised, and she berates the volunteers, but at least there's a children's ministry.  She is an elder's wife with an air.  No one wants to cross her.  

An elder announces he is the (self-appointed) direct, day-to day supervisor of the pastor.  He's easy to get along with as long as you do things his way.

The women run the men who run the church, and at first, they seem welcoming and inclusive.  But the get-togethers are stilted, the pastor and his wife can't relax, as it's all about pious posturing, and these once-friendly couples begin to withdraw.  

Withdrawal leads to exclusion, and exclusion gives way to criticism.  The pastor lies awake at night, losing sleep, worrying about -- not ministry -- but strained relationships.  Criticism turns into either gloves off open conflict or two-faced, passive-aggressive manoeuvring, depending on the couple.  One couple sits pastor down and lambastes him for over an hour.  Another says peace to his face but war behind his back.  Criticism shifts from ministry-related to personality-centered and includes direct frontal assault, then a smear campaign behind pastor’s back as the couples call congregation members and others, spreading lies.  

Sleepless nights begin to take a toll on the pastor's temperament.  He's running on empty.  He's lost his joy.  Ministry isn't fun any more.  He has difficulty concentrating, and trouble sitting still for any length of time.  Sustained criticism over time leaves him raw. He's not as patient as he used to be.  He's accused of being inattentive and no wonder.  His "fuse" is shorter, as sustained criticism from all sides leaves him a shadow of his former self, a caricature.  He snaps when a friend challenges him.

Some of his critics compare him to the previous pastor: "Why can't you be more like Pastor Bill was?" What they forget is that Pastor Bill had his plate full with bullies of his own.  

The pastor feels like a failure.  He thinks, "Why me?," and wonders what is wrong with him.  He has lost motivation for ministry.  The creative spark is completely gone.  He gravitates to repetitive tasks, just like lab rats in an experiment on stress (more on this later).  He housecleans incessantly.  

He has trouble making decisions, he's easily distracted, he can't concentrate.  He feels worthless, like a failure.  He feels guilty and obsesses about past failures.  He wonders aloud, "What's wrong with me?"  He cries spontaneously.  He plans his suicide.  

One Sunday, the elders wives are abusing him after the service, right in front of his two young children. One congregation member, a sociology professor at the college, recognizes what's going on.  He pulls him aside.  "You're being bullied." he says.  "This is workplace bullying and you're the target."

This one comment has a transforming effect.  It re-frames the entire experience for him.  The pastor never even heard of workplace bullying, but it makes sense.  A light comes on.  "I'm not crazy after all," he thinks.  "I may be damaged, but I'm not done."  

There's a way through.  In an effort to understand what is going on, and simply to survive, the pastor reads everything he can find about workplace bullying.  It becomes an obsession.  He needs to know.  he needs to get through this.  He can't let them win.  

His sense of justice is screaming.  He's horrified at the behaviour of these so-called Christians and how easily they justify their actions.  He knows he's not perfect, but he is stunned that people could so easily slander him, defame him, drag his name through the dirt, and enlist denominational authorities in their effort to force him out.  "What did I ever do to them to warrant such retaliation?" he asks.  The question itself assumes a kind of responsibility.

The denomination gets involved.  At first he has hope, but he quickly realizes that their experience with biblical mediation will quickly be set aside as the good old boys network overwhelms the agenda with its own.  Politics overwhelms procedure, the people who are there to help just don't get it, and as we'll see, the pastor is shown the door.  Like a woman being raped, he just waits for it to be over.

Next time:  Part 2, When help doesn't come and what happens later.

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