How to Recognize Bullying (Part 1 of 3)

From Jim: This is seventh in a series of seventeen blog posts on workplace bullying and related topics running Monday, July 2, 2012 to Sunday, August 12, 2012.  
Events and people depicted are fictionalized composites from multiple sources.  Any resemblance to actual people or events is purely coincidental.

A pastor is ready to quit. He’s despondent, except when he’s fuming, embittered, wounded, or exhausted. He doesn't have another call or job yet, but he lies awake at night tossing and turning, and resigning seems better than a heart attack.  He has some good people but they can also act like they are six.

One of them unleashes a rant on his wife over small groups. They are a church of less than a hundred and this person expects them to do things a large church with lots of staff and resources can do. If tomorrow they decided to have fifty small groups, this person would want to know why we are so opposed to having sixty. It drives him crazy. His wife is a homeschooling mom and has never been elected small group director.  But that is not even the issue.

He has been there for fifteen years and he knows it's time to move on. The church and he have grown in spiritually different directions, and he’s lost his ability to inspire change in people toward Kingdom living. They won't have any trouble finding another pastor, but where he goes next is not as simple. After more than a decade in a small church, being support staff for a while.  He finds himself second guessing his decision to go into paid ministry. He asks for prayer. 

EXAMPLES AND SIGNS OF BULLYING (adapted from Catherine Burr, Faculty of Social Science, Social Science Centre, London, Ontario, Canada, N6A 5C2)

·         Remarks: sexist jokes, crude comments, intrusive compliments, etc.

·         Gestures

·         Reprisals

·         Discrediting

·         Belittling

·         Restricting

·         Isolating

·         Destabilizing

BY WHOM?  It can include:

·         Bosses

·         Peers, co-workers

·         Public

·         Customers, clients

·         Students, parents of students

·         Staff members

·         Faculty members

·         Contractors, suppliers

EASY ONES TO RECOGNIZE

·         Severe behaviours

·         Severe effects

·         Long-term

·         Many targets/victims

·         Blatant behavior and words

·         A simple work environment

·         An obviously “nasty/evil” person                              

DIFFICULT TO RECOGNIZE

·         A “ton of feathers” – a large number of little things, the “straw that breaks the camel's back” 

·         “boil the frog”

·         “Nipped to death by ducks” 

·         Early stages, early diagnosis

·         Few targets – like, just you

·         Invisible, subtle

·         Complex environment

·         A “Nice/likeable” person – passive aggressive people

ASK YOURSELF ABOUT: 

·         Severity – of others’ behaviours

·         Severity – of the effects and impact of their actions

·         When did you first notice something was not right? 

·         How long has it been going on? 

·         How widespread within (or outside of) the organization is it?

·         Safety/security issues – physical and emotional safety

·         Preferred options of the individual: what would you like to see happen? 

 Have a story to tell?  Email me.